Strangers and Friends

What makes life bearable is the random acts of kindness from
strangers and the steady flow of love from friends. Today I
experienced both. The stranger that went more than the
extra mile to help my dog and the friends who offered the kindness of words and more than that. Knowing that a friend
truly understands how you feel doesn't really require words.
It's just the comfort of knowing someone understands.

Surrounding yourself with people with great character is so
important for your sanity and for your growth. Instilling these
values in our children is one of life's greatest challenges and
rewards. Teaching them to treat a stranger with the respect
and care of a friend is so important. Yet I clearly remember
the first time I taught my toddler to be a bit leery of strangers.
I felt so sad to have to do it-to change her perception of the
world. What a world we live in. You have to teach them to be
street smart without letting them turn cold, hard, and cynical.

Our fourteen month old grandson is cheering us up today the way
only the explosive laughter of a child can. Who knew bubble wrap
was so hilarious. I love to see his impact on my daughter who
said good-bye to her canine companion today. When we are most
powerless we realize the power of love, kindness, helpfulness, and
generosity. Thus motivated to pay it forward, we look at the next guy
with a little more sympathy, tolerance, and love. This is all because
someone else offered these things to us and we're grateful.
Little Daniel's face brightens with each person he meets. Oh, to have
a fraction of that energy giving response to people.

Today I met a man named Jason who skidded to a stop on the highway
when he saw another car hit my dog. He hoped to help him but
he had been killed instantly. He gently moved him from the road
and called my vet from the number on the collar. Later he made a
special trip on a Saturday to bring me that collar. He would have helped
me pick up his body. It takes time to help a stranger and he was
willing to do that.

I thought I'd have the ability to lift the dog myself but I couldn't. I felt
so helpless and oh so sad. Since I work with guys who work out every
day and have hearts of gold I knew who to call. A personal trainer,
Scott, came and carefully lifted Lance's broken body into my car. That's
not a job anyone wants and one I wanted to spare my sons. I'll always
be grateful for Scott's availability and kindness.

Earlier that morning I was scheduled to teach two cycle classes. I found
a sub for one but not for the other. I randomly pulled out a CD hoping
to just get through the class without crying. At the beginning of the CD
I had put a little sound bite from Forrest Gump. You know the one: "Life
is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get."
It's my attempt at humor, the class never knows what kind of cycle
challenge they are going to get that day.

On this difficult day when I heard those words it made me think how
universal loss and struggle is. Some experience things more
devastating than we can comprehend. How easy it would be to be
depressed and hopeless. But it is at these times the universal experience
is what draws us close to each other and motivates us to give what we
can. Jason told me how hard it was to watch his daughter's grief when
she learned her cat, Angel, had passed.

To be an energy giver and not an energy taker is the way we hope to live.
So we take our "box of chocolates" and forge ahead with tempered hope
and calm resolve to try a little harder to look out for the other guy.

Remembering Lance

Most years I ride my bike across Iowa on what is called Ragbrai.
Ragbrai is unique among bike rides. It is best summed up by a
friend of mine who observed it is so amazing to spend a week
with 20,000 happy people. If you just want a break from
everything I highly recommend this annual ride. With its
frequent stops for beer slides or pie anyone can do it.

Two years ago for the first time Lance Armstrong decided
to try Ragbrai instead of the Tour de France. When addressing
the crowd I remember him saying, "I just can't figure out
how you people can ride all day and drink all night." A
woman in the crowd shouted,"we train". And so it goes.

A lot of people kept to their regular Ragbrai rituals of farm-
fresh corn minutes from the field and homemade pie in
quantities you can't imagine. When I first heard about
Ragbrai from my veterinarian he told me it was the only
time you'll ever ride close to 500 miles and gain weight.
Iowan hospitality is phenomenal. Well, just try a pork
chop on a stick in the middle of an Iowa small town and
you'll know.

Like a lot of riders that year I hoped to see Lance during
the course of the week. As luck would have it I did. I
wanted a break from my bike shoes so I'd taken them off.
I was standing on a corner with five or six hundred other 
people milling about near by.

A guy with a cell phone and an all business demeanor
approached me to ask some questions about the town.
I think in my bare feet he took me for a towns person and
not a rider. Finding I knew very little about the town he
immediately got on his cell phone. You can guess who was
on the other end on the line. His handler said, "You'll be in
the town in a couple minutes. There's a bar on the corner
and we'll bring you in for a beer."

I glanced over my shoulder and there was the bar. In a
crowd of several hundred vaguely hoping to see him
ride by I knew exactly when he would arrive and
where he'd be headed. So I positioned myself accordingly
and the long and the short of it was I sort of had a beer with
Lance Armstrong. Okay, I watched him drink the beer
and the best part was his face was beaded with sweat.
You had to think, hey, we're riding the same route and
he has to work at it,too. So I got my photo and watched him
ride off with other fans in hot pursuit. I slipped back
to the normal Ragbrai routine of ride a little, eat a little,
drink a little, dance a little...

So when I returned from this week my kids were all excited
about the possibility of adding to our family. Besides
the six kids we also had a golden retriever named Laker.
We'd earlier also had a second golden retriever named
Celtic and so they were wishing to once again be a two
dog family.



The puppy they had in mind seemed to be all paws. It
was as though half his body was paws. He was
mischievous and loving and hated cold weather- a
bit of a hassle when you live in the midwest. He was an
immediate fit for our family and because of the previous
week I named him Lance.

We have a pool in the back yard and Lance and Laker
owned it. When he wasn't in the pool Lance was running
laps around it. If I could have taught him the bike I
finally would have had another family member join me
at triathlons.

He was an adjustment for our well-behaved golden
retriever who never thought to jump on a bed until
Lance arrived. With a wag of a tail he made it clear he
would curl up at the foot of my daughter's bed. All
of us loved that dog but she had a special bond with him.

So last night when we discovered that our normally secure
gate was mysteriously open and both dogs were gone we
began several hours of searching. We had three cars out as
well as some of the kids on foot. Happily, we found
our golden retriever. Without thinking through all the
possible answers she might hear I suggested my
daughter call our vet. It was late but I thought his
answering service could tell us if anyone had picked up
Lance.

The vet is the same one I had when I was a girl. Although
his office is clear across town we continue to use his
services. After all, between my family of origin and my
family now he has taken care of fifteen dogs if you include
the litter of puppies. He's the same vet that first told me
about Ragbrai and it was his answering service that told us
that indeed someone had called. But sadly Lance had been
hit by a car and had died.

I've lost both parents, two cousins ,most of my aunts and
uncles, several friends, had five miscarriages, and ofcourse
lost other pets. But that sudden unexpected loss never
gets easier. You hate to fall asleep because you know
when you wake up you'll have to remember. When I finally
did fall asleep it was curled up o the floor next to my
golden retriever who seemed just as sad as the rest of us.

What can you do but remember the joy they gave you. I can't
tell you how many times I'd come home exhausted from
long hours and find a quiet house. But those two would
always get so excited to see me. No queen was ever welcomed
home so thoroughly. It was something I could count on.
Something I will miss terribly.

Stress takes a toll on our nervous system and on all our
organs really. Of all the ways to relieve stress a wagging
tail and spunky chase is one of my favorites. Stress, left
unchecked, will age you faster than anything. At one
hundred years of age George Burns gave the advice to
avoid aging you need to avoid stress. I don't really
know how to do that. Stress follows me every day. But
then again so did my dog. He was always there to change
my mood and make me smile. That kind of devotion is
hard to find and oh so validating. Is there a person so non-
judgemental, so enthusiastic?

Studies have shown that touching a pet will lower heart rate
and blood pressure and decrease anxiety. They really are our
best friends. So I hope this finds you with your pet and family
in good health. One of my friends is going to a wake for a
sixteen year old girl killed in a car crash this week. I know
there are hearts more broken than mine. We can only let
each loss remind us to show a bit more love to those we
can still touch, to enjoy the moment, and to remember those
we've lost fondly and forever.

For the Children

Did you have to be in your own yard when the street
lights came on? Well, I did. It was that almost forgotten
era when instead of being driven to practice like my own
children were and still are; we would simply slip away
from the dinner table and take over a corner of the
neighborhood. Maybe twenty or so kids of all ages would
play kick the can or hide and go seek until the street
light sent us home and to bed tired and happy.

These days children are involved in organized sports at
a younger and younger age. One of my daughters is a
gymnastics coach. She entered the sport when she was
only three. When we moved her to a gym that has
trained some Olympians she was considered lucky to make
the team at nine, an age that is usually considered too
old. Her older sister, then twelve, had to settle for a
recreational team.

So on the one hand we have these super-serious young
athletes and on the other hand we have an alarming rise
in childhood obesity. About thirteen percent of children
and adolescents are obese or overweight. Projects are
springing up all over to determine the causes and hopefully
offer some solutions.

So the average parent who loves their children dearly has a
lot of tough choices to make. They have to prioritize feeding
their children healthy food when demanding schedules scream
fast food. They have to teach good habits and model them as
well. Maybe they choose to put them in organized sports and
maybe they do their own version of low-key back yard play. But
sometimes even the best intentions are thwarted by the demands
of life. Sometimes helping their children keep a healthy weight
doesn't get the attention it should.

As a personal trainer who is very interested in helping families
I'd love to have your thoughts on what is and isn't working in
your family. Would it help to have some quick workouts you could
do with your children at home? As always I welcome your insights.